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Early morning paws its way through my curtains, drenching the walls with citrus apprehension.
I wake slowly from a night of haze and half-sleep, clutching my pillow weakly, and blink back a disgruntled sort of unfortunate shock upon realizing that I landed in the wrong dream, the one without you there.
I swallow bitterness and succumb to the gentle ebb of morning routine, alone in a bathroom that belongs to someone else.
Time bleakly accelerates, and the sun waltzes around the sky. My day begins after sunset, when the tired flashes from an old car's headlights gaze into my window and you return to my arms. The calloused heart in my chest cavity pumps its sticky fluids through my person with the overwhelming need to take care of you, and what a funny notion that is.
I find myself longing to be at the lakefront, a place we frequently find ourselves because we are young, poor and stupid.

I think, often, of time spent at that rickety fishing pier you took me when we were new to one another. It was the same place that you gave me my first cigarette lifetimes later, and fussed at me when I liked it.
It seems to me that you think of yourself quite the same, a beautiful, deceptive toxin wrapped in white and reeking of ash, perhaps. The harmless, unintimidating and superficially appealing symbol that causes your heart to blacken and your lungs to collapse when unsuspecting victims inevitably fall under the addiction.
I will tell you, my dear, I relish in the image of a good girl next door, clean and virgin to bad reputation and biting gossip, but I am filled with holes and maggots.
I was ready to fall with you, because that is a little bit better than falling alone. I think now that we, two disgusting children, can wipe each other's drool away and build a nice cottage together that will disappoint our parents but still do the job.

We are two wrongs, and together we will make a right.

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youre my shining star ★ my bright eyed girl


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